Reflections from Staying Home
By Rachel Gooneratne
As I write this, I mark 34 days of staying in.
Thirty four days since meeting my colleagues in real life, since driving my son to music lessons and to spend time with his grandparents, since making plans with my husband after a long day to pick up crab fried rice from the Thai place and swing by Redbox on the way home.
Everything has changed - how we study, work, use our home, parent, shop, worship, grieve, celebrate. With no precedent for any of this, we're learning to manage the new normal together. As thrilled as I will be to give up Zoom (So. Much. Zoom) when this is all over, I'm also very glad for tools that help us do the same things differently.
A big same/different piece of life in our home is school and one of my favorite new sounds is listening to Luke interact online. I can tell by his low volume and polite, measured tone that class is in session and his teacher is on the call. When class is done and he's on an online break with classmates, there's so much excitement and breathless talkingallatonce that it's easy to imagine they're physically in the same space. The kids go online to play Minecraft with each other, chat about school work, and one small group has come together to create a class newspaper (interview with Superintendent Reid to be published shortly).
While this has increased screen time, we recognize that hanging out with friends in this way helps our child regulate and manage emotions during unstable times. We're also mindful of online safety. Long before this began, we drafted a technology use contract which we all signed. Luke knows that his tech usage may be restricted if he doesn't adhere to the guidelines we listed together. His teacher and the district also have strict policies and security measures in place to keep the kids safe.
While Luke has his Zoom calls with classmates, I have mine with colleagues. We're a small organization working in a highly collaborative environment. It's also an incredibly creative group so folks quickly came up with great ideas help each other through this transition. I've participated in informal coffee breaks during which we've shared about how learning at home is progressing (spotty for most), where to find fresh locally sourced produce (Pike Place Market), and how to support local mutual aid groups (cash). Some coworkers are participating in our own version of MTV Cribs - a fun way to see how we're blending our work and home lives. One of our leaders is facilitating more structured conversations on theories, systems, and strategies of change to help us better prepare for what might come next.
Out of this uncertainty, I have become a little braver, a little riskier. I'm reaching out more to people I follow on social media. Sometimes, I respond to prayer requests or offer to be available if someone needs to talk. A couple of new friends and I have taken our conversations offline to ask how the other is coping, share pictures we take on our walks, and make recommendations on music, podcasts, and streaming shows. We are not created to do any of this alone and it's comforting to be able to build community in new ways.
Not all interactions are online, though. John and I still have regular check-ins with our parents and siblings via old-school phone calls. However, what has changed for me are the length of those conversations. We've been talking a lot about everything: if we are practicing proper distancing; plans for shopping and delivering; whether we'll still get to go on that trip together; what to do if someone gets sick; what we'll do in place of our usual Easter lunch (Zoom call!); recalling memories of early immigrant life and living lean; the myths of first world and third world nations; about independence, bootstraps, and revolution; of science, faith, and community. Sometimes these are separate calls. Mostly, they're long, meandering conversations that end with, "Stay safe, wash your hands, call if you need anything."
In some ways staying in has created more flexibility. I no longer miss an opportunity due to commuting or conflicts with my son's extracurriculars. Recently, I attended an online volunteer meeting to learn how to support refugees and other vulnerable immigrants during this time of layoffs. Next week, I'll meet with a group of South Asians working to address racism and anti-blackness. Every day I learn about connecting with grassroots social justice groups who are advocating with communities most susceptible to the virus and its impacts.
We know it’s a privilege to be able to do all this. Even with all that we miss we are thankful to be in a place which offers us the chance to walk through these times with each other.